I’m pretty basic. I love talking about my astrological sign and bring it up daily as an excuse on why I’m acting a certain way. One of my astrological flaws is my indecisiveness. This was especially annoying to all of my friends when picking a Bachelorette party location. I went through all the usual suspects and not only did I want to go some place affordable and fun, I knew this was a huge reflection on how my wedding would be viewed. From the clothes I will be wearing, to the size of the group, I agonized over every decision. Other bitches just pick a place, have their MOH plan it, and show up for a good time… I envy those girls. After I contemplated every location across the US, I realized where you pick your Bach party says a lot about you.
So here I am, making another judgy list…
Nashville – You like to party hard and don’t need all the bells and whistles. Why bother with lines & bottle service when you can just get into a bar and order your own beer? Your outfit of choice is booties with a white lacey dress and maybe a kimono, something that you can easily dance in and it’s probably something that you won’t miss if it gets a stained from a beer bong spillage.
Miami – You like the vibes of Vegas, but you don’t want to be the 50th girl in your friend group that has her bach party in Vegas. You want to see and be seen, you’ve been purchasing clothes for this party for the last 3 months and have also been starving yourself for the last 4. I’m going to go ahead and say, you’re probably good looking and have great style.
Cabo– Wow, you got your friends to get out of the country, you have good friends. You are chic and your wedding is probably going to be pretty fabulous. You have a lot of personalized party favors with your bachelorette party hashtag on them. You’re probably blonde and have a great base tan.
Chicago – You definitely like to get fucked up and laugh a lot. You have a huge group of friends attend your bach and you all wear matching American Apparel V-necks with a snappy phrase on it, yours is obviously white though. You’re doing something on a trolley and probably taking pulls of vodka with a soda chaser. You are getting lots of Victoria’s Secret lingerie from all of your friends and they’re making you wear a sash and crown purchased from Party City while you open it.
Lake House – You are probably saving yourself for marriage. You think it’s super crazy you’re having mimosas at 11am & need a nap by 1pm. Your hair isn’t out of place one time this whole trip and you brought hair rollers because you’ve been doing your hair the same way your entire life. Luckily, all your best girl friends from church made the trip up for the day but half of them have to go back home before dark because their husbands can’t handle the babies by themselves over night. You can not WAIT to have a baby too.
Cruise – You have early 2000 highlights and met your husband to be at the gym. Your bridal party is small and you’ve known your oldest friend for 4 years. You have had a membership to Palm Beach Tan since 2005. You definitely have a good body but tend to not care much about your clothes, as long as it’s tight and white. You always seem to find something at Angl and Rue 21 so that’s probably where you’ll shop for this special occasion. You have white and pink acrylics.
Vegas – You want everyone to have a good time and you know a promoter, so you’ll definitely be getting into the good clubs. You’re probably going to be wearing white while all other party goers wear black. You made your decision very easily and everyone is excited because they’ve all been to Vegas before and all have a CrAzY story. You’re all taking a picture every night in the lobby of your hotel, all 15 of you lined up in one line. You hate yourself on your trip home.