Don’t Be A Taylor

I’m about as basic as they come so obviously I have been watching the Bachelor… since it started. I like to think of it as my most relatable/blue collar/American hobby. Housewives can be polarizing, but the Bachelor? Now THAT is entertainment for the people.

Anywho, every season of The Bachelor has a villian and that’s why we invited Corinne.

Oh, Corinne.

She is the girl who “runs a multi-million dollar company” (read: her parents let her sit in their home office and open up Excel files) and has a nanny who allegedly makes the best cheese pasta (can the people get a recipe?).

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Corinne is the kind of girl who gets what she wants and does what she wants. While the rest of these bitches are busy faking a smile and WAITING for a chance to hang out with Nick, Corinne pulls him aside in a trench coat and lingerie and makes him lick whipped cream off her tits. While everyone is at a pool party with Nick, she takes him aside and straddles him in a hot pink bounce house. Talk about making an impression and setting yourself a part.

Now, anyone who has ever seen a season of the Bachelor OR been in a group of females OR has a functioning brain knows, these are things that will NOT make you friends. BUT, duh, Corinne is not here to make friends.

Corinnes never are.

But where there are Corinnes, there will always be Taylors.

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Taylor is a mental health professional. She is 23 and FRESH out of college and full of mental health jargon. Taylor fucking LOVES to analyze Corinne, bitch about Corinne, and talk down to Corinne. The thing Taylor should be doing more of, is NOT TALKING ABOUT CORINNE.

Taylor. Tay. Tay Tay. Honey. DO LESS. CARE LESS. GIVE LESS OF A FUCK.

I remember being in High School and liking a guy that another girl liked. Back in the day, I was a little less confident (yet SO much skinnier, ugh Taco Bell, you bitch) and always wondered why the guys went for the more aggressive girls. Hello, didn’t they see that I was the good girl and they were just skanks?

NO.

 

Even when I was friends with the guys I liked and talked shit about said skanks putting themselves out there, it said more about ME then it did about them.

Yes, those girls were actually skanks and yes I am actually the catch of a lifetime but here’s where Taylor and I both went wrong. We gave too much of a shit about the other girl and less of a shit about ourselves.Confidence is key, peeps! Corinne has been pumped full of confidence probably since she exited her mother’s vag.

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Corinne does not give a shit.

For everything in life. Care less about shit and care more about positivity and yourself.

 

 

The point of this is not to be self involved and reckless like Corinne, unless you want to be, I don’t give a shit! That’s the point, to give less of a shit about shit that doesn’t matter. Shit!

It is to be less of a Taylor. Focus on yourself. Focus on positivity. I promise you that is more attractive then any other quality. This is coming from a married woman who’s husband can’t stand that my main form of entertainment is women tearing one another down (#relaxation). I need to take my own advice sometimes and give less of a shit.

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So let’s give less of a shit, together? 2017, new year, new us.

(But we’re not giving up reality TV… duh.)

To end this masterpiece I wrote over a bottle of wine, I give you this amazing gif of Corinne and Kim Zolciak Jr chowing down.

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